On Monday evening after returning from two and a half weeks at The Bishop's Ranch, I said to Michael, "Just how is it I do my life?" This was not only because I couldn't find the slot in the wall where you take your dishes after eating. I loved doing two services a day, enjoyed thinking about what was coming up and finding a song or something to add to the mix. Sitting in silence in the church before each service was a blessing. "How is it," I asked the Lord, "that you managed to give me a church?" I had wanted one for such a long time.
"God speaks in the silence of the heart. Listening is the beginning of prayer." — Mother Teresa
Three or four hours solid writing time every morning felt good. I made progress. For the most part I liked my novel. And if there were moments when clearly I wasn't up to the mark as a writer, there were also moments of enjoying what I had written, and enjoying reworking it.
"One nice thing about putting the thing away for a couple of months before looking at it is that you start to appreciate your own wit. Of course, this can be carried too far. But it's kind of cool when you crack up while reading a piece of writing, and then realize you wrote it. I recommend this feeling." --Steven Brust
Most importantly the inner coil, that had somehow become tightly twisted, relaxed. I started moving at a slower rhythm. Arriving back home, I was astonished at the pace of my life. Like the frog in the kettle, I hadn't noticed when it slowly gained speed. Now, returning home in time for Father's day, for children and grandchildren arriving, for the Big Sur Camping and Crawdad Society weekend, for a week of riding herd on a three year old, for the river of books, that had become dammed up in my absence, for Toastmasters meetings and writers meetings; I wondered just what it was I thought I was doing. Do I even want to leap back into the frenzy that a few weeks ago had been normal?
"Life is like a ten-speed bike. Most of us have gears we never use." -Charles Schulz
I appreciate all of you who sent your blessings on my retreat. Shelly asked if I really was going to use all those books and journals I took along. I will admit that I only read about half of the books I itemized last month. I grabbed another one from the store on my way out--which I read and left at the Ranch. I found Frederick Buechner's SECRETS IN THE DARK in the Ranch Library and enjoyed it. I bought a copy of THE TIPPING POINT at an antique barn in Healdsburg. Very Interesting. I liked Marilyn Robinson's HOME, even though I shouldn't have started it right in the middle of my editing process. "And you think you're a writer," the Inner Critic sneered as I reveled in the depth and cadence of her prose. I am however, a big fan of happy endings, and HOME came up short in that department.
"I'm not a very good writer, but I'm an excellent rewriter." ~James Michener
Meanwhile, I seem to have lost my journal. Did I leave it at the Ranch? Put it somewhere odd in the flurry of unpacking? Months of gathered notes for a Parish Retreat in Colorado is the biggest loss. Not to even mention the nagging question: just what exactly did I write--and who might be reading it?
The day the grandchild and her parents left, I first picked up and vacuumed the living room. Then I sat and looked at the order and listened to the quiet. Eventually I decided to clear off the shelf under my coffee table, vaguely hoping that my journal was hiding amongst the books. I arranged all the books into 9 stacks on the newly vacuumed rug. The Art Stack had two Van Gogh's, one of which I moved to the Go Back to The Store pile. That left the Books I'm Reading in Bits stack, the Books People Have Given Me to Read stack, the Books I've Read and Want to Write About stack, the books I've Started but Haven't Finished stack, the Books I Want to Read Soon stack and a Mystery stack. There is only room under my coffee table for four stacks. This is primarily the fault of the Art Stack, since Van Gogh and Sister Wendy take more than their fair share of space.
I moved all but two books in the Books I Haven't Finished stack to the Go Back to the Store pile and took that pile to the car. I added Thurman and FRIENDS OF GOD to the Read in Bits stack and put that stack under the coffee table along with the Books I Want to Read stack. I squared up the Books People Have Given Me to Read stack. The book on top was THE CURIOUS INCIDENT OF THE DOG IN THE NIGHT TIME, a novel by Marc Haddon, which Susan gave me to read after our last Literary Party. It's written from the perspective of an autistic teenager, who decides to solve the mystery of a dead dog. I opened it to read a few pages. A half hour or so later my legs were getting cramped from sitting on the floor reading. I moved to the patio. Several hours later I finished the book. Yes, it's good. I liked it even better than THE SPEED OF DARK, which is from the perspective of an autistic adult. And while we're on the topic of autism, the movie TEMPLE GRANDIN is terrific.
"Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear." ~Dave Barry
We had a dog-in-the-night incident, which fortunately did not turn into a dead-dog mystery. If you're interested and didn't see the post on facebook, I'll send you the details.
Meanwhile Joelle sent me a great facebook message about reading Boyle's TATTOOS ON THE HEART and then going to the Homegirls Cafe. I asked her if she'd like to lead a Literary Party table at lunch during Family Camp on Books-About-People-Doing-Cool-Things. I'll lead a second table. If there are enough people interested for three tables, Carolyn can lead the third, although she doesn't know this yet and will undoubtedly find me presumptuous. This will happen on Family Camp Tuesday at lunch. Anyone who wants to participate should B.Y.O.B or borrow one from the book table.
Or my coffee table. There are now four stacks on the shelf under the coffee table and two stacks on the floor. I think I'll take all but one of the mystery stack back to the store. If I wrote about the Books to Write About stack, I could take all of them back to the store, too. Maybe next month.
Blessings,
Alliee +
PS We have suddenly been inundated with Philosophy books. Philosophy! Come and see.